Well well, you see her, she is like always into herself.
She’s so confident !
She’s arrogant! The other day I saw her with the boss. They were all laughing. God forbid, what they might just be discussing.
Well, we know what calls for her abrupt promotion…I wish we knew those tactics of enticing by our charm…
No don’t be afraid with the notion that I am going to use some sexist statements here or writing sexist or feminist content(though that is just the need of the hour!). But, for a while, my purpose is far beyond gender, it is much vast and covering a broad spectrum.
Re-read the term. It’s a routine encounter any layman faces during the course of his/her life, sometimes impeding his/her pace of work or may be sometimes just overpowering it. I’ll talk about what I feel and if at all it instills your instinct too, go ahead to follow it and congratulations in advance for a better living that you will be experiencing right after this little thought-provocation.
Millions of people and billions of judgments. The irony being people like to “judge” but not being “judged”. Well, okay, who would actually welcome a stranger or even a known mate to comment on his way of life, his thoughts, his dressing, his body, his relationships or his goals.
The sad reality is most of us have succumbed to live with it or may be shrug it off with that “chill” dude, “fuck off” attitude. And yet a larger lot that actually themselves live with the threat of judgements, still do not refrain from giving their expert opinions onto anything and everything.
How often have you taken a pause, before letting your brain pick up some pre-conceived notion about a random person or have held back to spill our piece of thought onto the next person and yet initiate an all over induction of judgements.
For a moment, lets just retrospect and think of all the times we have been part of this vicious circle of negativity. Did it release you ? Oh yes for sometime it did consolidate you with the illusion that you were right into what you thought and it made you happy too, but at the farther end, may be someday back in time, you were at the other side of the story too.
World seems much better without these curtains of judgements hindering our vision about people, relationships and aspirations. It opens ways to a whole new world of possitivity and possibility. Probably, what I have said might have bored you enough with psychology if you are not a follower of the latter. So, let’s get down onto the practical approach.
So what if she got a bit rude today, may be she had a bad day or there’s something bothering her mind. So what if he boasts about his life, may be he looks for acceptance, for company of people to be around. So what if she dresses up, well, God gifted us this beautiful body to be taken of, Didn’t he? What’s wrong in celebrating the gift he gave. So what if he smokes, may be he is having a hard time. May be that’s where he got his friends from. May be there was no one ever to compel him to stop it. Yes, she is a girl and she drinks, so what? She has equal right to celebrate life. Yes, that old man cribs a lot, may be that’s the way he expresses his agony of being left lonely. So what if she’s a loner, may be that’s what keeps her happy. So what if he broke up? May be he could not figure out with it. So what if they live in a poor house, may be they are saving for better things. So what if she has high aspirations? It isn’t wrong to keep pushing limits.So what if he’s not able to give you enough time? May be he is preparing for something better. So what if they don’t understand you?May be they were never in your place. So what if he doesn’t have that so-called sophisticated way of living, may be he never had been in that kind of environment and the list goes on and on….
The key points here refer to one single statement, that we had been hearing since our minds took shape to comprehend, “Try walking in my shoes!”
They can be torn and filthy yet comfortable or they can be classy and expensive yet uncomfortable. No two people share the exactly same circumstances, neither can their thoughts align. So why judge people with the binocular of your “perspective”. Take a pause, Abstain a thought, Provide a reason. Place yourself there, as were sometime back in history and I am sure, if not stop judging, you will atleast give a thought before judging.
And all those, who are disguised as people looking for acceptance out of fear of judgements. Shrug off! Definitely, one must think before he/she act, but not “overthink” before he/she acts. It’s one life, either spend it living by other’s choices or have the guts to face the circumstances of your choices.
We’ve all been there and we all exchange places.
I am free because neither I judge, nor I live by the fear of judgements. Happy walking in my shoes…
He’s fortunate enough to be born to such rich people ! How fortunate is she to be gifted with such an intellectual mind ! How lucky are they to live this peaceful life! Why am I stuck here, while they are all enjoying!
When the outcome of the omikuji fortune telling is bad for you, you don’t keep it. Just tie it to a rope and forget about it.
Comparisons and comparisons followed by procrastination, self-pity and jealousy. How often do you face it ? Almost daily! almost every hour! while you scroll down your social media news feed and see your related and not-so-related people enjoying life, the way you wanted to? She got abroad for studies. He owns a penthouse apartment now. They have shifted to London. She lives a traveler’s life. He has his start-up. She has become the college topper. He gave up engineering and switched to cinematography. They purchased their new car. He’s into social work finally. She opened her own fashion brand. etc etc etc and the list is on…
There’s no stop to it . Is there one ? All of these people who have recently managed to strangulate the nerves of your subconscious and conscious mind with guilt, pity and procrastination are pretty happy continuing what they always wanted to do. And where are you ? Stalking their profiles ? Comparing your capabilities ? Questioning your identity? Thinking both of you started together and yet they are there, and you stuck here ? Feeling life is worthless for you ? Feeling sorry for yourself ? Feeling its end of the world ? Loosing all hope ?
Hash…. Take a deep breath dear pissed off soul out there.
I am not really a great sincere book-reader sort for person. I am gifted with a fluctuating mind, it keeps dwindling from one interest to another, but one statement that never looses the attention of my intellect is.
“The grass looks greener on the other side and while you are looking at someone else’s grass, thinking it’s greener than yours, there are so many keeping an eye on yours.”
-Shiv Khera, You Can Win.
To read, these are just two lines with a decent food for the soul,but, to reflect, these hold the secret revealed for a lifetime’s happiness and optimism.
Oh yes! While you are wondering how lucky is that chap to be born to such rich family, he wonders how lucky are you to lead a simple life, enjoying with your family!
While you wonder, how lucky is that girl to have such a great intellect, she wonders how lucky are you to be gifted with such great friends.
While you wonder, how lucky are they to live such a peaceful life, they wonder how lucky are you that you don’t have to live a pretentious life.
Media today is too much virtual, drifting away from reality. May be its fake, may be it’s real. But, isn’t it tough to validate it ?
The answer is simple. “Be in your own skin and embrace it with love“. All of us, or even no two of us can have similar lives . Don’t believe me ? Talk to a mathematician, he can give you innumerable ways a life can go by making permutations and combinations of circumstances, incidents, time, people, goals, desires, emotions, destiny etc that rule your life. Believe me, the greatest comfort is in embracing the discomfort and yet working to improve on it.
“I was sitting gloomy the last weekend, regretting over my my results, my wrong choices with people, my course, my now foggy goals etc etc and then I went out on the streets, examining those several faces out there, who were in a much miserable position then I was. An old man selling handkerchiefs and socks, literally running after people to purchase them, only to make a living. A boy scratching out food from the unwashed plates discarded by the restaurants. A small girl wearing shabby clothes and walking all alone on the street. An old man by the roadside, cursed by some horrible disease that had created patches and boils all over his skin. I was so aghast by the sight that for a moment I checked my skin too and then held my dad’s hand, only to realize some more neglected things. My dad, he might also have had some goals in his life, some struggles that I am aware of and some that I am kept protected from. He fights a consistent battle day and night for a family that he never chose, that actually was brought to him by destiny and all his goals transformed to their goals and their happiness now. Being struck by all this reality, I understood the fact, “we give ourselves too much importance at times”, I am not the center of the Universe I am just a part of it and how beautifully I embrace this fact, just like my co-existing creatures will decide how I feel about myself. Too deep to be understood ? Well, in simple terms, we must acknowledge that we are not all same or share the same fortune, but despite of that we have this great power of choosing how we feel about it. Are we looking at the grass at the other side? Or are we happy watering our own ?”
Do not just be influenced by any information that is thrown on you. Respect your identity. Embrace the discomfort and yet work onto creating the life that you have imagined. cz remember, there are people looking at your grass and you should be occupied enough to water it and make their sight worth it! and Uncertainty is the only thing that is certain.
And by saying all this, I am in no way seizing the power of fortune, it does exist, it does influence. But, we are knowing the facts and using them in an optimistic approach. Let’s just work hard into the direction of our dreams persistently, the battle is half won and the moment fate favors, we win. The power of efforts can even surpass fate’s decision, all it demands is perseverance. 🙂 On a positive note ….
Today, I walked through the corridor of your memories,
The light sunshine beaming at me,
Trying to penetrate, through the slits, of the window pane,
To wrap me up in warmth, on this cold winter morning
Just as your memories,
That try to soothe me,
From the chills of this frosty world.
Yes, you were a bad memory, a draining flashback.
But, you made me stronger, than what I was before.
You made me what I’m today.Happy and Moved on.
Thence, I enjoy walking through this corridor,
Travelling through the past again,
Because then I realize, I can make through anything.
That’s the beauty of this corridor,
It plays a game of perspectives,
For some it is going down a lane of harsh feelings,
While for others like me, its walking through an alley of Strength.
I am onto the climb of eternal bliss. Its beauty here , everywhere. Serene , Peaceful, Calm,Pure…under the sky of clarity. I can view everything from up here. Those hurdles I’ve overcome to be just “here”. My loved ones waving at me with those precious pearls in their eyes but blessedly out of Happiness now. Those people , who tried pulling me back, now looking at me with envy in their eyes.Guys, I don’t hold grudges. I am too busy to discover and explore myself that I hardly have moments to ponder on your negativity. I stay here, I want to stay here. Calm. Composed. Contented. Elated. Smiling… It feels butterflies around my head , stars all around. This beauty was worth the wait. And yeah! I AM FINALLY HERE! Standing with my arms wide open , head up , eyes closed, body relaxed , my soul beaming in joy , to feel as much as I can , to take as much as I can . From the moment , In the moment. I feel my breath… I am breathing beauty , I am breathing joy ,I am breathing smiles ….
The silence around attempts hard to counter the echo of your sweet voice, this chilling air puts all its efforts to pierce my skinny emotions but are confronted by the warmth of your memories that wrap me up in protection cozily. The tiny drops that slide down our window pane , reluctantly ,are reminiscent of the happy moments that slipped away with time and only to amplify all of it , this heavy blue sapphire on my ring finger endeavours to curb the flow of my emotions that try to adorn this your-gifted notebook with calm yet turbulent memories.
“I miss you baby…”
“Ruhi, Sorry to disturb you but Akhira is crying, I think she needs you, I tried to comfort her, but all in vain.”(Rushed in a calm yet worried male voice with a three month old baby crying)
“Ohh! Thanks, this weather just took over me.Give her to me…”
“My poor baby…Mumma is so bad.ssshh…hmmm…hmm”
(The melodious voice of the mother, singing to her child occasionally broke the silence at nights, in that three-membered house)
It’s been a year to our marriage. Things changed so drastically. Fate and time, they say, can change anything. I am still so engrossed in our past. This blue sapphire keeps me there. Blue is the color of calmness they say, and that’s why you wanted me to wear it. Isn’t it baby?
But for me it has always caused turbulence.
That’s why I guess we can symbolize water by it .For, water has both faces, calm and turbulent, depends on what face we get acquainted with.
“Ruhi, I am leaving for office. Do you need anything?”
“Huh…oh sorry! I’ll clean that up!Wait!just a moment..”
“Ruhi, calm down. Its fine.I’ll do it. Do you need anything? I’ll bring it while returning”
“No, thanks and I’m sorry about that burnt bread, I was lost maybe somewhere.”
“Its ok.You need not be sorry, it still tasted good”
(Smiled the tall statured person to himself, as he got up to clean himself of the water that the lost lady mistakenly just splashed over him)
(That is how the conversation was between the only couple in the house.)
(A year back…)
“Ruhi, I have something for you…”(Pleaded a calm male voice)
“What now you idiot? Don’t you try any gimmicks on me now.You know, I hate you ohkay? “(Giggles the feminine melodious voice)
“Ummm… this is it…”
“I really love you Ruhi…Please be mine forever…”
…read the letters on the first page of the notebook. Beautifully and lovingly written… I was engrossed then, I am engrossed till now…And as I managed to pinch myself to reality, swapping my attention from left to right, there you were my love , down on your knees with this blue sapphire, ready to surrender all of yourself to me.
“Ruhi, stop being that temperamental, emotionally turbulent, drama queen. I offer you calmness with this blue sapphire. Please be mine forever, my love”
The echo of those words are still so near to my ears. Calm and composed as you were.
These pictures of our marriage…
How happy were you. How happy was I. Those chants, customs, celebrations, your favorite food, your favorite dresses, our favorite venue. So full of life it is sounding, looking yet so lifeless now, totally contrast to the situation we were in.
I miss you baby…I miss us …
Being in the same house, we are yet so miles away…
I often recall the feel of your tender lips as they pressed against my forehead, relieving it of all the stress. The warmth of your hug, as your arms tried to bring all my broken frustrated pieces together
the texture of your skin, as your fingers rolled down my cheek, only to make me smile again.
They say, marriage changes everything .Did it for us as well?
They say it’s just the matter of time, you’ll get to know soon. Did it for us as well?
They say, you will regret. Are you?
You no longer play with Akhira. You no longer choose dresses for me to wear. We don’t sleep nights together. We don’t fight. We don’t argue. We just aren’t the way we were. You don’t see our little angel grow up. She has not learned to speak ‘Dad’ and you don’t fuss about it.I get no chance to handle your kiddish behavior, or be irritated by your pranks. You don’t handle my tantrums anymore or me or us…It all just slipped away.
Time has really changed so much. Being close in heart, we are yet so far away. How dreadful is fate at times, how reckless. Moments of happiness and then turbulence all over. I have always faced this turbulent side of water and you’ve always tried to show me the calmer one.
(Six months back)
“No … not at all … I am not doing this…Noooooo”
“Ruhi, do you trust me?”
“I obviously do, Idiot.But, please, not for this. This is scary. I beg u.”
“Ruhi, listen, I’m there okay…I need you to come out of your fears. I promise, nothing will happen to you.”
And there we were, river rafting. It was so peaceful at the start.
“See Ruhi, how beautiful this water is.See, how calm, how peaceful. I love this serenity”
“Come up Rajat, Time for some fun to relive our college days. Come on Ruhi.”
Rajat: Ohh yes!(squeaked in a calm composed voice)
Ruhi: I did’nt know, you were joining us.
Rajat: It was all Akshay’s plan and when it’s something for him, I can never say a no.
Ruhi: haa. BFFs…hahaha,I hope I didn’t mess up your lovable friendship after marriage.(smirked Ruhi as she walks away with Akshay towards the raft.)
Rajat: No, you didn’t (a sigh only audible to him)
Akshay: Ruhi, how’re you feeling?
Ruhi: How would I feel you idiot! It’s like being close to hell, to death! Horrifying!
Akshay: Stop being that dramatic again, it will be fine.
So, broh, Hws life?
Rajat: Fine as always.
Akshay: ahaa, nice yaar…
Time for some action, just cooperate ok.(Whispering in Rajat’s ears)
Ruhi, do you know someone had a crush on you in college.
Ruhi: Ofcourse I do, you, idiot!
Akshay: Ofcouse me my love, but there is someone else as well.
Rajat: What are you upto? (Angrily whispering in Akshay’s ear)
Ruhi: Ohh really and you think you again go for a prank on me like always!
Akshay: No, my sweetheart!
Ruhi: Well! Shoot then! Who the hell was he?
Akshay: (makes funny sounds and expressions and pointing firmly at Rajat.)
Rajat: I can explain…He is upto some mischief…
Akshay: Nah NahNah (making again a funny sound)
(Their conversation gained momentum and so did their steps towards the raft.)
Rajat: Well yeah,I can explain…It’s not so…Akshay ,please stop that sound atleast.
Akshay: sssshhhhh.Ruhi… Listen to me.(in a calm and loving tone , putting his arm around her)
Ruhi: What now???
Akshay: This agile idiot standing right next to us, loved you a lot, but, wohoo I was the lucky one.
Rajat: stop it Akshay!
Akshay: SushhRajat, stay silent, my swear on you for that.
Rajat: But… ok.. Well yeah, you know how to shut me up!Geat!
Ruhi: Guys please! Atleast no pranks at this moment please. I’m already scared. (Almost crying)
Akshay: I Akshay , hereby declare that I will board this raft , only when Rajat my bff , promises to marry my love , Ruhi , if I end up my life here in this holy water.
Ruhi: SHUT UP!!! I’ll kill you Rajat, stop it now! We will not go for rafting only (nastily turns around)
Akshay: Well ok, whose birthday is it?
Rajat and Ruhi in unison: Yours.
Akshay: So whose day is it? Whose wish will be fulfilled?
Ruhi and Rajat: Yours.
Akshay: Great going sweethearts. Now go on and promise, else I wish I die soon. (Tripping over the raft with a heavy laughter)
Rajat: No ways. Ok.Ok I promise. (Breathing heavily, running to pick Akshay up)
(Ruhi ends up crying)
Akshay:Awww.. Baby, it was all a prank, don’t shed those precious pearls like this.
Come here my boy, Rajat, I love you, thanks for cooperating. (Hugs him tightly)
Ruhi: (beats Akshay and cries, again beats Akshay and cries.)
Akshay: Sorry … Sorry baby.
(Rajat stands in silence, trying to collect what just happened)
Akshay: Come up idiot, what are you doing standing there.
(Hastily moves to bring Rajat onto the raft)
Thanks broh. Do keep your promise. I know you still love her and you know what, even I’m afraid of water this time and can’t afford to loose her. I trust you. (Whispering in Rajat’s ears giving a contented wide smile)
(These words digged in Rajat’s heart but he loved his friend more and so, steadily climbed up the raft to keep up his friend’s promise)
(All climbed up the raft, their adventure began with the onset of destiny)
Everything was fine. At every rapid, Rajat would ensure that Akshay’s security and Akshay would ensure that Ruhi’s. They were enjoying it, but Ruhi was too engaged in a constant battle with her fears. It was tough for her. She had drowned before. She knew how unpleasant the experience could be.
Rapid after rapid. They passed it all and then came the 4th grade rapid. Death rapid as they call it.
Their raft went all normally to the massive waves of the holy river and then it turned upside down. Ruhi, still had the rope to the raft firmly held. Everyone vanished from sight. Ruhi’s sapphire slipped from her hand. She frantically started searching for Akshay. She yelled, cried and shouted out for help. The other raft members came in sight but, far away. She heard a familiar voice from somewhere, “Ruhi”, swim towards me, “Give me the rope”, “I’m here.” It was Akshay, she tried swimming towards him helplessly, and the flow was too much. Flashbacks came to her mind, how she drowned, how she was gasping for breath and she felt numb in her legs. She lost her senses. Fear overtook here. The fierce turbulent water took over her, she fainted. Akshay, was taken over by water, he endlessly fought against the horrifying fans of water and then gave up as he hit his bare head against one of the rocks. Serenity took over him. He wanted to be there forever and his wish was granted on his birthday, He was there forever.
On way back, Ruhi opened her eyes to the scorching sunlight and frenzily searched for Akshay. He was no more. She screamed hysterically on hearing the news. Rajat on the other hand, was numb, silent.He could not accustom to reality. When the raft turned, Ruhi’s ring went past him and he tried to bring it back, as he knew what importance it had for the couple. And in the meanwhile he lost his best friend, the love of his love.
How terrible was that afternoon. How terrible is this afternoon. My feet still feel heavy to lift as it reminds me of the one, when I lost you. You were right. I had to be calm. I wish I had, I could have saved you.
Baby, you must be desperately wanting to breathe. You must be struggling to race against water. You must be needing me. You must be needing me…
The afternoon faded into evening as Ruhi recalled the outrageous experience remorsefully looking over their old photos with tears now on them.
“He knew something wrong will happen. I wish I could have stopped him. I wish I could know it before”
(Broke down a male voice, at the entrance of the hall)
“He was my best friend. I loved him more than anything. I loved him more than you and he knew I loved you.”
He had seen her crying for the first time on their marriage anniversary
Ruhi recollected herself as he heard Rajat’s voice, piercing her own emotions for her beloved. She knew how much Rajat loved Akshay and she knew he married her just for him.
Ruhi: “All of that was not a prank right? You actually loved me?”
Rajat: But how do you know it? (Rajat tried to gain his composure)
Rajat had tried long to hide how broken he was after him. He only showcased that he was pretty happy marrying his love after him. This was only to show loyalty to his dead friend whom he loved a lot and so that Ruhi hated him. But, today he broke down.
Ruhi: I have been reading Akshay’s diary after him. And it speaks more of you than of me. I know all about you through him.
The day after Akshay passed away .Ruhi, came to know he had left something behind.It was their baby in her womb. People forced her to abort and remarry. But, she wanted to raise the last excerpts of her beloved. Rajat stepped in at this moment and married Ruhi, to keep the promise of his friend.
It is raining outside it is raining inside, it rained then and it is raining now. Ruhi was all drenched in tears as she again began writing down for her beloved that night.
My love, I am at the edge of a big decision today. As per your wish, I am coming out of my fears, I am trying to be calm now, for your peace, my love. You’ve kept repeatedly kept saying in your diary that you are in guilt of taking me away from your friend, as he loved me more. It’s time to release you of the guilt. It’s time to pay back for his loyalty on your behalf. The world does’nt know you as much I do.I know, where happiness is for you and I want you to be happy wherever you are. I want our daughter Akhira to respect Rajat as his father and not step-father and for this it is necessary to keep you protectedly hidden in my heart. I thence release myself of the past on this first anniversary of ours. You and I will always be together, no one can separate us. But I will now have to masquerade infront of Akhira and give Rajat the love he deserves in exchange for his loyalty. I know they will judge, but I know, you won’t ever my love.
They said, they are saying and they will say…what matters, is you…
All of us live with our past. All of us allow it to shape our future. But some of us know how to shrug the past. I think that is who I am…..
And that is how blue is our sapphire. Ruhi leaves the sapphire on the notebook…
I gently unleash my thoughts to come in their natural turbulent form , unbarred and flowing in every possible direction. They hit each other and they keep colliding until they present me a new exploration. The process is bewildering yet musing. I stay silent , calm yet observant. And , the exploration brought to me up , today , says…
“There is a child in everyone.”
Interacting with people from all races, all kinds ,all sorts of mindsets , day and night for work or on a personal account , its this random yet evident stage that I reach each time, meeting the child that they reluctantly hide inside . Now , when I say a “Child” , I emphasize on a number of attributes .
I met people who clung to their desires as children cling to the sweets of their choice , hungry for them , even if they are stomach full . Those are desires that ignite out of not being satisfied even if you already have what is required. I’ve seen hunger for growth , for wealth , for reputation and talking positively its actually this hunger that eventually drives them closer to their desires.
I met people who nastily hid their grey areas just as a child hides his favorite toy ,on been asked for it and then have seen them even gently handing it over on successfully tantalizing their soft corner . I realize that anger was just a shield to hide the utter insecurity.
I saw people being introvert and quiet at first and then talkative and extrovert all over , just like a child who is called to meet a new guest.